We’re on edge. All of us. I’m not imagining it. It’s there.
I heard an interview on Marketplace with the author of an Atlantic article about what a nightmare American consumers are. The gist was that the retail economy is a relatively new one, but was designed to offer working and middle class consumers the experience of being rich - in other words, sales staff were, and are, expected to behave like servants.
Customers were called “guests” and “the customer is always right.” The best salespeople perfected the art of serving, and it’s straight out of the Edwardian butler’s manual.
It’s hard on salespeople and waitstaff in restaurants, particular now, the author said. They have to bite their tongue and keep a smile, no matter how the customer behaves. That’s their job.
Now we’re in the middle of a pandemic that locked us in our homes for a year, and is slowly pushing back. And we all know why.
So we’re stressed. We’re anxious. We’re angry that this is still going on. And it’s showing up everywhere. There are more confrontations on planes than ever before, according to that author. In our area, early in the pandemic, a confrontation about masks turned into a fight that sent one of the participants to the hospital. People seem far less reluctant to be speak out, to say what they might have otherwise kept to themselves.
A carload of obvious tourists yesterday had their doors open in a parking lot of an ice cream shop, and someone pulled in two spots over and called over.
“Shut your doors,” she said sternly. “Other people want to park here, too.”
She was fortunate they didn’t push back. She was outnumbered.
It’s happening everywhere. And stressful situations exacerbate it. Stressful situations like buying or selling a house.
I’m not going to go into particulars. I honestly don’t hold the people I’m talking about entirely responsible. I think if they were not stretched thin, they’d behave differently. But I have had so many clients behave badly that I’ve had to look for a reason — they’re not bad people. They’re quite nice, usually.
But something goes wrong, a hurdle appears, and they lash out. Everyone’s first instinct seems to be mistrust and anger. Deals have fallen apart that shouldn’t have, clients have come back later, horrified and apologetic about their behavior.
Do not think I’m exempting myself. I’m not. I’m testy, too. But I’ve recognized it, and I’m fighting it as hard as I can.
It’s not something we’re talking about, but every single Realtor I’ve mentioned it to has their own horror story. We aren’t showing people our best right now, and it’s taking a toll on everyone. Lashing out doesn’t make us feel better. It adds to stress, and spreads it around to everyone else.
In medieval Japan, disturbing someone’s “wah”, their peace of mind and equanimity, was a dreadful faux pas and required sincere apology.
Our wah is shattered. And because our society has splintered into many us and them groups, there is no sense of community pulling us all back together. We need a common goal and a feeling of shared responsibility.
There’s no shortage of things we desperately need to work on together, but the louder voices shout us apart. And so we are left with only ourselves to watch, and to manage. And we are left with a sense of futility, because we know that’s just not enough.
Until we reach the tipping point where everyone recognizes it, and resolves to do better, this is ourselves - under pressure.